bad mornings – Page 3

Global Warming Effects

Did you notice how hot it is the past few days? If you didn’t, you’re probably on the other hemisphere of the globe. Good for you then! I pity myself and eventually our little girl because this high pressure area got into us.

Last Saturday, we went back to Las Pinas again to visit my family for the nth time this month. We’ve been going there almost every week because we have events to attend to. First was our usual visit, next was Toni’s 22nd birthday, and the third is because we’ll pay a visit to my paternal grandmother.

Mon and I have been thinking why is it so hot in their area despite all the trees planted in the village. We couldn’t stay inside the house because it’s simply too hot. I took a shower and even before I get out, I was already sweating! Yay! That day, Ayex didn’t have her usual nap, probably because of the heat as well. Come bedtime, she kept on moving from side to side asking for milk or a back rub. Mon wasn’t able to get a good night sleep either despite having two electric fans turned on! I couldn’t sleep because they couldn’t sleep. That’s how hot it was!

I was able to sleep at 5am, when it was already bright outside. My aching throat which I hoped will not continue to colds already did. Without enough sleep and constant heat, my immune system is so weak. While we were in Batangas where my Lola is, my eyes were already hurting bad. On our way back to Quezon City, I’m already feeling cold. That’s why I wasn’t able to go to work on Monday and Tuesday. I got cough, colds and slight fever. I did my best to keep away from Ayex but I think that’s impossible for a breastfeeding mom. Last Tuesday when I was feeling a bit better already, Ayex exhibited symptoms of colds as she kept on sneezing! Ay yay yay!

I so hate this weather. In the morning it will be furiously hot. In the afternoon, it would rain. Even the people with strongest immune system will not probably survive this wacko weather!

Feeling Heavy

I’ve been feeling heavy since yesterday – probably it’s the time of the month or perhaps, because of the sad and terrible news I got from a text message.

When I woke up past midnight yesterday to pee, I checked my mobile phone and saw four messages from 2 different people. Thinking they were again another forwarded messages, I didn’t bother opening them.

When I’m finally fully awake yesterday morning, I checked the text messages I got. The messages from the other person is indeed another forwarded messages, the other messages had terrible news.

The news was so terrible that I still feel heavy today. I’m still not sure if that’s the reason or it’s the time of the month. One of the most promising graduates of my batch died from a car accident Saturday evening. I was told that they were on their way to Lucena with her boyfriend’s brother. She was seated in the passenger side. A bus hit them. I texted some of my classmates who I think know her (since we are from different major) about it and they were also shocked like me. One of my classmates whom I texted said that they were on their way to Lucena for a Visita Iglesia or Church Visit. A classmate’s mom was also in their group and saw what happened.

I may be over-reacting here. We’re not really close. We just became classmates in some of the classes I dropped because I didn’t like the teacher so I took their schedule as a replacement. Both of us were a member of the committee that organized our college pictorial and yearbook. That’s it. Probably, I’m this affected because she’s just my age. I came to realize once more that my life is a borrowed life. That eventually, I will have to return this life to my creator irregardless if I still have choices to make or chances left to take. It made me think again of the things I have done to date. Were they good or were they bad? It makes me think now how am I living this life, is it according to God’s plan? Or am I missing something, something more important?

If I were single, I’d probably not this affected. But I have a husband and a little girl. What would happen if God takes back my life all of a sudden?

To Sarah Kaye de Guzman, may your good soul rest in peace.

Quitting – Phase I

I had a very very very bad day last Monday. I had trouble letting my milk down as I was so stressed. I was supposed to attend a meeting but due to circumstances, I told hubby to pick me up already as I wanted to go home. After a few minutes of trying, my milk still won’t come out. I finally gave up, mind already aching because of anger. I told myself I’ll just express milk when I get home. I produced barely an ounce of milk.

After eating dinner at that night, I told hubby to prepare my pump so I can make Aye’s milk for the net day. After a few seconds, I told him that I’ll probably rest already as I’m too tired. The next day, before I took a shower, I checked if hubby was able to put inside the fridge the little milk I made. I saw a bottle in the sink after looking inside the fridge. Then I found out that MIL threw the milk. I just dismissed it to cut the long story short and told them (MIL and Ate Meriam) to feed Ayex with Dutchmill and Chocolait. So that Tuesday, Ayex didn’t have breastmilk during daytime.

When we came home, I immediately asked Ate Meriam how was Ayex given that she didn’t have breastmilk after we left the house for work. She said she was just fine. She asked for water most of the time and would ask them to open the fridge so she can get “milk” by herself. I was relieved. I had the feeling that Ayex would be all thirsty for milk from time time we left her until we come back. So I asked Ate Meriam, “Sa tinging mo pwede na akong hindi mag express ng milk? (Do you think I can stop expressing milk already?” And she said yes.

So today, it is the second day that I come to work without my pink tweety lunch bag. I told hubby that I will stop expressing milk at work as it is also tiring for me but I also told him that I will still continue to breastfeed Ayex during nighttime and exclusively on weekends. I don’t think I’m already ready to quit breastfeeding Aye altogether, that’s why my title has “Phase I”. I’m still leaning towards child-lead weaning.