i’ve been less productive lately, specifically since last week, after trying to finish my hot fix backlog. i was able to finish more than half of it but i still have a backlog until now. and guess what, it’s growing again…

i feel so tired.. i feel like my body’s too exhausted already for work..

this is what i’ve been realizing lately. after working at an early age (i was a working student, sort of) it appears to me that my body is already begging for more rest. i must admit i was kinda abusive with my body. i don’t get enough sleep anymore. how could i? i work in a place that is too far from my home. (okei, let’s not dig in too much on this topic. i know this is pretty arguable.) my work, most of the time demands extra hours aside from the normal eight hours. at times, i choose to attend extra co-curricular activities which serve as my recreation. so i always end up going home late. if ever that i get home early, i always find a reason to stay awake till late nights…

see, maybe it’s really time for me to get some good rest. probably a nice but not expensive 1 week vacation… maybe it’s already time for me to spend more time with my bed than with my pc and my cube. maybe, after having good time away from work, i’ll be back to my old self at work. the one who’s always energy high when it comes to work. maybe…

sa totoo lang, until this moment na malapit na akong umuwi, umaasa pa rin ako na sasabihin mo sa’kin, “be san tayo meet?” pero i guess i need to give up now. there’s no surprise today ija…. he’s not joking you. he’s telling the truth that he won’t be able to make it and you have to accept it…. so pls, do so….

there’s always next time… kaya lang this time will never be the same next time and i gotta deal with it…. kaya ko ito… kaya ko ito… promise…

i’ll be fine…. di ito dapat sumabay sa mga stress ko sa office. if he’s not there then he is not there. actually, iniisip ko na lang rin, this is actually nice in some way. kasi he’s not spoiling me. he reminds me that there would really be times that in times of important family gatherings, he will not be there. and i gotta accept it….

kaya ko ito… back to work na….

my mind is processing like hell! i don’t like this. really i don’t…

i never got a text from you this morning. i was thinking you might be mad at me coz it was already very late when i got home last night. when i got online, i saw you there. but there were no offline messages… i popped you but i didn’t received any reply. i texted you. you replied and you told me you popped me already… then i saw your pops…. i miss you so much…

you asked me about my allergies because it became a part of your family’s conversation last night. and it went on and on and on… i know you are just being concerned… but you know, i get this very weird feeling… this is where my brain processed as if i don’t have other stuffs to think of again…. and i hate it… i hate what my brain is thinking of…. my brain was thinking if you were mad at me because i didn’t told you i had such conditions. my brain is thinking you are changing your mind. my brain is thinking you are thinking of something else…

geeeeezzzzzzz, here’s my old problem again…. my brain thinks too much… it thinks of things i knew never exist.. it thinks of situations that i’m not even sure will happen or is happening.. my brain thinks too much that it makes me break down a little… my brain thinks to much that i wanted to go home and sulk all day… my brain thinks too much that i feel like i’m losing everything important that i got… my brain thinks too much that it makes me feel im losing you….

you are not talking to me because you are busy and i told you that i’m not feeling well… but deep inside i just wanted to be with you… i wanted to be beside you… i want you to comfort me.. i want you to tell me how much i mean to you.. i want you to tell me to stop thinking of things that my brain is thinking of because they will not happen and they are not true… i want to be with you….