Nicquee's Nook

sa totoo lang, until this moment na malapit na akong umuwi, umaasa pa rin ako na sasabihin mo sa’kin, “be san tayo meet?” pero i guess i need to give up now. there’s no surprise today ija…. he’s not joking you. he’s telling the truth that he won’t be able to make it and you have to accept it…. so pls, do so….

there’s always next time… kaya lang this time will never be the same next time and i gotta deal with it…. kaya ko ito… kaya ko ito… promise…

i’ll be fine…. di ito dapat sumabay sa mga stress ko sa office. if he’s not there then he is not there. actually, iniisip ko na lang rin, this is actually nice in some way. kasi he’s not spoiling me. he reminds me that there would really be times that in times of important family gatherings, he will not be there. and i gotta accept it….

kaya ko ito… back to work na….

my mind is processing like hell! i don’t like this. really i don’t…

i never got a text from you this morning. i was thinking you might be mad at me coz it was already very late when i got home last night. when i got online, i saw you there. but there were no offline messages… i popped you but i didn’t received any reply. i texted you. you replied and you told me you popped me already… then i saw your pops…. i miss you so much…

you asked me about my allergies because it became a part of your family’s conversation last night. and it went on and on and on… i know you are just being concerned… but you know, i get this very weird feeling… this is where my brain processed as if i don’t have other stuffs to think of again…. and i hate it… i hate what my brain is thinking of…. my brain was thinking if you were mad at me because i didn’t told you i had such conditions. my brain is thinking you are changing your mind. my brain is thinking you are thinking of something else…

geeeeezzzzzzz, here’s my old problem again…. my brain thinks too much… it thinks of things i knew never exist.. it thinks of situations that i’m not even sure will happen or is happening.. my brain thinks too much that it makes me break down a little… my brain thinks to much that i wanted to go home and sulk all day… my brain thinks too much that i feel like i’m losing everything important that i got… my brain thinks too much that it makes me feel im losing you….

you are not talking to me because you are busy and i told you that i’m not feeling well… but deep inside i just wanted to be with you… i wanted to be beside you… i want you to comfort me.. i want you to tell me how much i mean to you.. i want you to tell me to stop thinking of things that my brain is thinking of because they will not happen and they are not true… i want to be with you….

what is so happy about this day? nothing…. geeezzzz, im so bitter…. im sooooooooooo bitter…. and i hate it… i definitely hate….. i really hate it!!!!!

i should have not expected that he will not be able to read that late text last night. i should have not planned of picking him up from his office. i should have not thought of preparing breakfast for him tomorrow as well as his lunch…

i just hate this… it sucks you know… i missed him so much and im doing everything so that i can spend time with him… well, i guess it’s one of those frustrating days again…

i wish this day will reach its end soon… i wish it’s already the next day…. i wish i’ll learn how not to expect too much so i can spare myself from frustrations like this…. i just hate it….

i really really hate this….