parenting – Page 18

Quitting – Phase I

I had a very very very bad day last Monday. I had trouble letting my milk down as I was so stressed. I was supposed to attend a meeting but due to circumstances, I told hubby to pick me up already as I wanted to go home. After a few minutes of trying, my milk still won’t come out. I finally gave up, mind already aching because of anger. I told myself I’ll just express milk when I get home. I produced barely an ounce of milk.

After eating dinner at that night, I told hubby to prepare my pump so I can make Aye’s milk for the net day. After a few seconds, I told him that I’ll probably rest already as I’m too tired. The next day, before I took a shower, I checked if hubby was able to put inside the fridge the little milk I made. I saw a bottle in the sink after looking inside the fridge. Then I found out that MIL threw the milk. I just dismissed it to cut the long story short and told them (MIL and Ate Meriam) to feed Ayex with Dutchmill and Chocolait. So that Tuesday, Ayex didn’t have breastmilk during daytime.

When we came home, I immediately asked Ate Meriam how was Ayex given that she didn’t have breastmilk after we left the house for work. She said she was just fine. She asked for water most of the time and would ask them to open the fridge so she can get “milk” by herself. I was relieved. I had the feeling that Ayex would be all thirsty for milk from time time we left her until we come back. So I asked Ate Meriam, “Sa tinging mo pwede na akong hindi mag express ng milk? (Do you think I can stop expressing milk already?” And she said yes.

So today, it is the second day that I come to work without my pink tweety lunch bag. I told hubby that I will stop expressing milk at work as it is also tiring for me but I also told him that I will still continue to breastfeed Ayex during nighttime and exclusively on weekends. I don’t think I’m already ready to quit breastfeeding Aye altogether, that’s why my title has “Phase I”. I’m still leaning towards child-lead weaning.

Until when should you breastfeed your baby?

The following line can be heard at the end of the latest Milk Formula TV Ads:

“Breastmilk is best for babies up to 2 years of age and beyond.”

I am still breastfeeding Ayex who is now 1year 9months and 4days old. Sometimes she feeds round the clock when I’m home and in nighttime, sometimes she just feeds twice or thrice and sleeps the whole time.

I’m perfectly ok breastfeeding her until now. Ok, I admit, there would be times when I tired and irritated with the way she breastfeeds. There would be times when I wish I could do my things first before breastfeeding her. There would be times when I wish she would finish breastfeeding faster than usual so I can sleep in a more comfortable position. Being a mom alone makes a demanding life, make that triple or quadruple for a breastfeeding mom. Brushing my teeth or going to the bathroom when Ayex is already hungry should be done as fast as I can. Otherwise, you’d hear her loud cry at 9pm – when most of the people around the house and in the neighbors are already trying to find their peace as they prepare to rest.

I’m not complaining. In fact I’m so used to it. There would be nights that I can sleep well despite the every hour or 2 feeding sessions that we have. I’m ok that I can’t stay out late because Ayex would go thirsty. I’m ok not having so much personal time. In fact, I think it would be a super major adjustment on my part when all of a sudden Ayex will stop breastfeeding.

The reason why I’m writing this now is because, I really wanted to know – until when should you breastfeed you baby? I am willing to breastfeed Ayex until she wants to despite the lack of time for myself, the aching back every now and then, the need to pump and express milk at work. I’m perfectly ok doing these things than to have her drink formula given the latest milk-scare incidents. But why does my mom, friends and other people at times tell me that I should already stop breastfeeding Ayex. Is it not really healthy for the two of us once she reaches 24months old? She not breastfeeding alone. She also eats solid foods like rice, fish, chicken, pork, beef and vegetables.

I must admit that when I hear things like those, it makes me sad. It discourages me even when I know I’m doing the right thing and I’m at the correct track. I will still breastfeed Ayex until she wants to unless the an expert really says that it’s not good for both of us – then the ending of every formula milk’s TV Ads should be changed.

Leaving the baby behind never gets easy

I woke up early today because I had to check my online shop for updates (darn that new policy). While I was checking my shop, I noticed that Ayex already started rolling herself back and forth in our bed (this is a sign that she’s trying to sense if someone else is still beside her). I didn’t tap her anymore since it’s already time for her to wake up.

After a while, I noticed that she’s already awake and she’s smiling at me. I’m glad that she saw me by the computer table or else I’m sure she’d be crying out loud again, which she has been doing lately. I took her with me while I finish checking the updates from my shop.

After that we went outside. I put her down so I can arrange my packed lunch and my breastfeeding paraphernalia. While I was fixing my things, she walked to me and started clinging to my shorts! She wanted the two of us to go to our hallway (probably to the room or to the bathroom). So I gestured to her that I will just finish the things I am doing. She’s so insistent. So I said, “would you like to bathe with mommy?” then instructed Ate Meriam, our helper, to prepare her water (we used hot water for her).

Once I’m done, she took my hand and we started walking in the hallway to the bathroom. Isn’t that pretty amazing? Outside the bathroom I already removed her clothes. We went inside where she played with cold water while we waited for her hot water. Ate Meriam said “pano kayo maligong dalawa nian?” (how can the two of you bathe at the same time?) I said “ewan” (I don’t know). The two of us took a bath. Ayex enjoyed playing with the water so much while I feel kinda awkward although I know she doesn’t understand such things yet.

After bathing, I thought I will be able to leave her with Ate Meriam smoothly. But no, she hugged me so tight and she wanted me to carry her again when I told her that I’m leaving for work already. I took her with me outside. We reached the area where some roosters are being taken cared of. She pointed at them so we stopped by. Ate Meriam thought she could trick Ayex by taking her hand while we go by the stairs but again, she noticed right away that I’m no longer holding her hand! She would still refuse to let me leave. I carried her until we’re out of the village gate and waited for a jeepney. I think she thought she’ll be coming with me. When I was giving her to Ate Meriam because I had to take the jeepney already, she gave a very very loud cry that almost broke my heart. How I wish I don’t have to leave her behind. I had to call Ate Meriam’s mobile phone after a while just to check if Ayex stopped crying already.