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Leaving the baby behind never gets easy

I woke up early today because I had to check my online shop for updates (darn that new policy). While I was checking my shop, I noticed that Ayex already started rolling herself back and forth in our bed (this is a sign that she’s trying to sense if someone else is still beside her). I didn’t tap her anymore since it’s already time for her to wake up.

After a while, I noticed that she’s already awake and she’s smiling at me. I’m glad that she saw me by the computer table or else I’m sure she’d be crying out loud again, which she has been doing lately. I took her with me while I finish checking the updates from my shop.

After that we went outside. I put her down so I can arrange my packed lunch and my breastfeeding paraphernalia. While I was fixing my things, she walked to me and started clinging to my shorts! She wanted the two of us to go to our hallway (probably to the room or to the bathroom). So I gestured to her that I will just finish the things I am doing. She’s so insistent. So I said, “would you like to bathe with mommy?” then instructed Ate Meriam, our helper, to prepare her water (we used hot water for her).

Once I’m done, she took my hand and we started walking in the hallway to the bathroom. Isn’t that pretty amazing? Outside the bathroom I already removed her clothes. We went inside where she played with cold water while we waited for her hot water. Ate Meriam said “pano kayo maligong dalawa nian?” (how can the two of you bathe at the same time?) I said “ewan” (I don’t know). The two of us took a bath. Ayex enjoyed playing with the water so much while I feel kinda awkward although I know she doesn’t understand such things yet.

After bathing, I thought I will be able to leave her with Ate Meriam smoothly. But no, she hugged me so tight and she wanted me to carry her again when I told her that I’m leaving for work already. I took her with me outside. We reached the area where some roosters are being taken cared of. She pointed at them so we stopped by. Ate Meriam thought she could trick Ayex by taking her hand while we go by the stairs but again, she noticed right away that I’m no longer holding her hand! She would still refuse to let me leave. I carried her until we’re out of the village gate and waited for a jeepney. I think she thought she’ll be coming with me. When I was giving her to Ate Meriam because I had to take the jeepney already, she gave a very very loud cry that almost broke my heart. How I wish I don’t have to leave her behind. I had to call Ate Meriam’s mobile phone after a while just to check if Ayex stopped crying already. cigarette disposal bins

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Hi there! I'm Nicquee and this is my little space in this world wide web. I'm a mom of two and is happily married. I started this blog as literally my online journal where I dump my emotions. Over the years, I realized that there is more to write about. Feel free to browse through and I hope you find a thing or two that is relatable to you. If that happens, give me a shout-out!

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